I know it's meant well, but...

We live in a culture that treats ageing like a flaw and youth like the prize. But what if we stopped seeing "you look younger" as the gold standard and started celebrating where we are, right now? This one’s about haircuts, eyeliner, mortality, and the quiet rebellion of growing older without shame.

We are all going to die.

I know that’s not the opening you were expecting, but let’s start there. It’s an uncomfortable truth, but it remains the truth nonetheless and pretending otherwise is where so much of this problem lies.

Of course, we don’t want to die, and I understand why we try to push the concept of it into the distance, where we can’t see it—like hiding the ironing pile in the spare room or leaving a bank statement unopened.

But really, I think our drive to keep looking younger is a problem. And we make it worse by bandying around statements meant as compliments, like:

“Oh, that outfit makes you look so much younger.”
“That haircut takes ten years off you.”
“Oh no, don’t wear that—it makes you look so old!”

What’s the problem exactly?
Why does it matter so much?

Since having my hair cut off, I can’t tell you how many times someone has said:

“You look so much younger with your hair short!”

I know it’s meant as a compliment—assumed to be a good thing that I would take as a gift. And I do, because I understand the heart and the intention.

But can we just pause and think about it for a second?

Why is younger the compliment? Does anyone actually want to return to their youth?

I used to know a chap who sold sound equipment. He’d close his eyes whenever he demonstrated the quality of the speakers, saying how wonderful it was to hear music from the past, because it took him back to the good days and brought his memories flooding back. He made it sound as if the memories of his youth were all he had left of life, and that felt really sad.

It may be a cliché, but life is for living—and I hope we all get to live long, healthy, love-filled lives that we can celebrate for years to come.

I try to make new memories every day. In fact, I fell off a ladder today and it’s going to be a brilliant memory and a fabulous story to tell—once I ache a little less. And I’ll make another bunch of memories tomorrow, and more throughout the week. If all we do is look backwards, we miss what’s happening right now.

My hairdresser, Adam, and I were discussing this last time I was in his chair. I love seeing him—it’s such a treat. We talk nonstop, barely stopping to take a breath, setting the world to rights, you know, as we all do with our hairdressers!

“What shall I say to you if you don’t want me to say you look younger, then?” he asked.

“I’d be happy if you just tell me I look great!” I said.

It’s not hard if you think about it. There are so many other words we can use to compliment and build each other up. We could just leave age out of it.

Just yesterday, I was faced with a direct question on this very subject.

“I love your new haircut,” said a lovely colleague of mine.
I drew breath to say thank you but she continued with …“Does it make you feel younger?”
(Cue expectant pause—because of course, don’t we all want to look younger? Isn’t that the goal?)

I’m ultra conscious of the language we use, especially since I often have to talk about products that lean into this area. But I’m also adamant about not adding to it. The easy answer would have been ‘yes’ but the TRUE answer was ‘no’ - which might have sounded a bit arsey, so I raced through a few options in my mind before answering with:

“I just feel more like me, and I love that.”

Phew. Got out of that one… Only to walk down the corridor and hear:

“Love your new hair Pip—it makes you look SO much younger!”

ARGHH!

Of course it’s meant well. I know that, and I’m always grateful for the compliment.

But please—can we stop feeding the mill that prizes youth?

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It’s not just the haircut either. I’ve always loved wearing black eyeliner, but over the years I’ve fielded comments like:

“Oh, but it makes you look so much older.”

We do it without even thinking about it.

I’m getting older - and aren’t I lucky!!

Now, I’m not going to lie; there are moments when I catch my reflection in the mirror, particularly with short hair and reading glasses, and I absolutely see my grandmother looking back at me.

That is scary.
In those moments, I’m faced with my own mortality—and that’s a very uncomfortable thing.

But I leave it there. I have to.

The truth is: I am getting older.
My kids are getting older.
But my life is becoming more splendid day by day.
And yes, sometimes my body is a little less strong than it once was. So, I’m working on the things that will keep me strong and healthy, hoping I might live longer, and celebrate getting older for as long as I possibly can - and I’ll try not to fall off the ladder next time!!

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We live in a culture where youth is sold to us like salvation. We’re bombarded with anti-ageing products, youth-enhancing treatments, and glow-ups. We coo over someone if they don’t look their age. Or if they’ve changed their hair and it’s taken “ten years off them.”

But how about we just say:

“She looks amazing.”

Isn’t that what we do for men? Don’t we call them silver foxes and say:

“Oh, the older he gets, the more fabulous he looks!”

Why do the guys get to get old, and we have to fight it?
It’s rubbish.

Those subtle daily reinforcements—that we’re supposed to look or even be younger than we are—aren’t helpful. We’re supposed to get older. That’s the whole point. That’s the goal.

But if we spend so much time trying to look younger, trying to be younger—we miss the joy of where we are. Of who we are now. And I can’t help but feel like that’s a tragedy—and a waste of energy too.

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Now I love make-up and always have—not because it hides something, but because it expresses something. It’s art. It’s creative. It’s fun. And yes, I use moisturiser—not because I’m trying to rewind the clock, but because it makes my skin feel good and comfortable - and it gives it a healthier glow than if I don’t.

This might be controversial, but I can’t help but think the rise of the tweakment industry is just as coercive.

“Oh, it’s just a little tweak here and there—it’s nothing.”

But what are we actually tweaking? What’s being chipped away with every “just a little”? I worry we’re becoming caricatures of ourselves—versions of the women we think we’re supposed to be, rather than who we are.

I spent years feeling like I didn’t fit in or belong anywhere. Self-acceptance was a major issue for me that took a long time to overcome. If I were to start making changes to my face, I might start questioning whether I truly accept myself after all. And I don’t want to do that. When I take my make-up off at the end of the day, I see me in the mirror. And I worked hard to accept that person.

That’s why I try not to use or internalise the language that often surrounds ageing. These words are often well-intentioned, but they can be taken as a gentle suggestion that we should fix this or tweak that, leading us to believe that we aren’t okay as we are. Over time, these subtle messages gradually make it harder for us to simply be.

You look great today!

Life is a precious, amazing, and wonderful gift. Each year we travel around the sun is a triumph to celebrate, not a problem to solve. So please, just tell me I look great. I don’t need to look younger.

I was watching a conversation between two wonderful women, both of whom I’ve known for many years now: Joanne Good, with Amanda Wakeley, discussing various aspects of style and age. They've a refreshing take on this topic…

So, can we make a pact to stop looking back as if youth had it all, and start honouring the present, where we stand right now? Words are incredibly powerful. Let’s rephrase the language we use when complimenting one another, and stop associating positive messages solely with youth.

Let’s be positive and say someone looks great, or well, or amazing, or whatever word jumps to mind. But let’s not connect it with age. Not just for ourselves, but for the girls and women who will come along after us.

Let’s celebrate age at every stage. Let’s grow into our years, not run from them.

And if you think I look great, please feel free to say so; I’ll do the same for you.