Is It All Down To Parenting?

The Missing Link in the Adolescence Conversation

I just wanted to put some thoughts down this week after watching the Netflix drama Adolescence. It’s a raw, gut-punch of a watch which has shone a light on an issue which we all know is rampant and is sparking conversations globally that are long overdue, ones we all know need to be had but perhaps haven’t known where to start.

It’s got me thinking, as I often do, about the world we’ve built for young people and the world we’ve lost in the process.

When we see kids playing in the street, out late at night, or causing trouble in school, we are quick to say it’s the parents' fault. Research shows us that an unsettled child/adolescent/young adult usually comes from an unsettled family life, but is it really that straightforward anymore? Or is there a deeper, more collective responsibility we’ve overlooked?

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When Self Became Sacred

I think back to the 90s when we began to see a shift in language. My dad used to refer to it as “American psychobabble”, but it was what I would later come to understand as the beginning of a broader awareness. It started much-needed conversations about mental health, emotional intelligence, and the complexities of our inner lives.

One of the catchphrases that perfectly captured this concept at the time was:
“We are not human-doings, but human-beings.”

At the time, it served as a helpful probe — a prompt to reflect on the way we were living. It challenged the 9-to-5 status quo, the one-job-for-life model, and then the rise of the internet and the evolution of language cracked something open — suddenly, opportunity flooded in. A whole new world came into view.

These were exciting times. Suddenly, life wasn’t just about career ladders and pensions — it was about purpose, fulfilment and growth. We were told to follow our dreams, find ourselves, and choose passion over paychecks.

And we did — kind of.

At different levels, we began to engage in the concept of Being. Of seeking happiness, fulfilment, finding ourselves, and what it meant to have a purpose. Then, over time, the focus on Being became central. Selfhood became sacred. Fulfilment became a pursuit in itself.

I wonder if, somewhere in that shift, we forgot the value of Doing. Of rolling up our sleeves and showing up — not just for ourselves, but for each other.

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Counting The Cost

When there is change, there is always a period of flux. If you think about a baby's mobile above a cot, remove or add one of the farm animals and everything shifts. There’s a moment of imbalance, an unsettled stasis before a new configuration settles.

Or perhaps a better metaphor is the pendulum on a grandfather clock — swinging from one side to the other. We’ve swung from Doing to Being.
And maybe we’ve lost the balance between the two in the process.

So yes — it’s easy to place blame on parents. But I believe we all share a collective responsibility for the direction society is taking.

We can absolutely find personal fulfilment from discovering who we are and stepping into our spaces; I’m a big believer in that and will write more about it in the coming weeks.

But I do not believe that this is a transactional process. We don’t hand in our obligation to do the right thing in exchange for personal fulfilment, happiness and what we want in life.

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The First Flickers of Freedom

When we look at the broader generational shifts, those of us who grew up in the 70s and 80s were at the forefront of a radical new idea - that we could follow our dreams and become whoever we wanted to be.

This was revolutionary when viewed in the context of our parents, who were raised in a post-war world, still playing roles society assigned to them. Remember, it wasn’t until the mid-70s that a single woman in the UK could open a bank account without a man’s signature.

We, the children of that era, absorbed a new kind of freedom that starkly contrasted our parents’ lived experiences of inequality and limited opportunity.

But for the next generation, that same message — Follow your dreams, be whoever you want to be — without being passed on in the context from which it came risks sounding like entitlement and a basic right and starting point for life.

Without that awareness, how can we expect young people to navigate responsibly? Unless there is an awareness of this context change, young people are bound to behave as they are. Then throw full access to the internet into the mix, and we have even bigger problems.

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We Are What We Eat

Children have always been raised by a combination of family and community. Yes, parents carry a major share of the responsibility — but school, church, sports clubs, and local mentors have always helped shape young lives.

Where we grew up in Sussex, a local carpenter ran “Monday Club” from his home. It was hugely influential in many young people’s lives — including my younger brother’s. It was sociable. They talked. They made things with their hands. It was community, creativity, and connection all in one.

Humans are wired to connect and create.
Doing — making, building, engaging — is part of how we stay human.

Pre-internet, we had a more tangible community in which our lives played out. Now, as Adolescence so painfully shows, many children spend their time in bedrooms and on screens, shaped by digital consumption and interactions.

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So… what now?

I’m not suggesting we abandon the journey inward, far from it. But I wonder if it’s time to look up and outward again. To remember that doing - building, creating, and showing up not just for ourselves, but for one another - is also a vital part of who we are.

Maybe the next chapter isn’t about Being more ourselves. Maybe it’s about finding that balance and putting more of those things that matter into action.

…if you’ve not yet seen Adolescence, here’s the trailer:

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Pipa x